When You Cannot Control the Chaos

Dec 23

How Mel Robbins’ “Let Them / Let Me” Framework Supports Well-Being in Veterinary Medicine

Veterinary medicine is demanding work. You are constantly navigating client emotions, high-stakes medical decisions, moral stress, online criticism, time pressure, and the ongoing strain of being both a clinician and an emotional support provider. One of the most exhausting parts of the job is the pressure to manage not only your responsibilities, but everyone else’s reactions to them.

In recent years, author and speaker Mel Robbins introduced a simple but powerful mindset tool known as the “Let Them Theory.” It gained widespread attention because it addresses a core human struggle: we spend enormous energy trying to influence, control, or fix what other people think, feel, or do - energy we rarely have to spare.

Robbins teaches that the theory has two parts:

**(1) Let Them** - release the need to control others’ choices
**(2) Let Me** - redirect your focus to what you can control: your actions, your boundaries, and your well-being

Although Robbins developed the concept within the context of everyday life and relationships, it has striking relevance to the realities of veterinary medicine.

Why This Theory Fits So Naturally in Vet Med

Veterinarians are trained to solve problems, prevent harm, and anticipate complications. This professional identity often leads to emotional over-responsibility, feeling accountable not only for medical outcomes, but for clients’ reactions, decisions, and satisfaction.

The “Let Them / Let Me” framework creates psychological space where you can care deeply about your patients without becoming overwhelmed by what lies outside your control.

What “Let Them” Means for Veterinary Professionals

“Let Them” is not dismissive, and it is not permission to stop caring. Instead, it names a truth you already know but rarely have room to practice:
You cannot control what other people choose.

**Examples in vet med:**
Let them decline the diagnostic you recommended.
Let them be upset even though you communicated clearly.
Let them get a second opinion.

Let them complain online even when you handled the case well.

Let them interpret your boundaries however they choose.

Their choices, wise or unwise, do not define your skill or your value.

“Let Them” frees you from carrying emotional weight that does not belong to you.

What “Let Me” Offers You in Return

If “Let Them” releases what drains you, “Let Me” restores what strengthens you.

This side of the theory focuses on reclaiming agency:

Let me practice medicine ethically and thoroughly.
Let me communicate professionally.
Let me maintain boundaries that support safety for myself, my team, and my patients.
Let me step away from heated conversations.
Let me decide how much emotional energy I spend.
Let me choose how I respond, instead of reacting from exhaustion.

This shift empowers you to move from pressure to intention, from emotional reactivity to grounded responsiveness.

A Closer Look: Why This Helps in a High-Stress Profession

**1. It reduces emotional overload.**
You stop trying to manage situations you cannot control, which preserves energy for the work that matters.
**2. It protects your identity as a clinician.**
Your sense of competence stays rooted in your training and ethical practice, not client approval.
**3. It strengthens boundaries.**
Boundaries become internal choices rather than battles to win.

4. It supports long-term sustainability.

Burnout decreases when you stop absorbing every emotional responsibility in the room.

Practical Applications

When a client refuses recommended diagnostics

Let them refuse.
Let me document carefully and offer alternatives.

When a colleague ignores a workflow you set

Let them make that choice.
Let me restate expectations and follow policy.

When someone posts a negative review

Let them post.
Let me respond professionally or choose not to engage.

When you feel guilty for saying no

Let them have their feelings.
Let me protect my well-being.

A Healthier Path Forward for Veterinary Professionals

Mel Robbins’ “Let Them Theory” was created to help people release control in their personal relationships, but its relevance to veterinary medicine is profound. You face a unique combination of emotional labor, ethical complexity, and compassion demands. Adopting a mindset that frees you from unnecessary responsibility allows you to show up with clarity, compassion, and steadiness.

“Let Them” loosens the grip of stress you do not need to hold.
“Let Me” reconnects you with the healthy, confident, grounded professional you already are.

Together, they create a small but meaningful shift, one that can help you stay aligned with your purpose without sacrificing your mental health.

References:

Robbins, M. (2024). The let them theory: A life-changing tool that millions of people can't stop talking about. Hay House.

Lori D'Alessandro, LCSW

Lori is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) passionate about helping individuals navigate trauma and reclaim their wellbeing. She earned her Master of Social Work (MSW) from George Mason University and is currently pursuing a doctorate in Counseling and Psychological Studies with a concentration in Trauma at Regent University. Her dissertation will focus on protective and resiliency factors for enhancing psychological wellbeing in the veterinary profession.

Specializing in PTSD and trauma recovery, she integrates a diverse range of evidence-based therapeutic approaches, including Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Attachment Theory. Her holistic approach recognizes the deep connection between mental and physical wellbeing, empowering clients to create lasting, positive changes in their lives.