Building Compassion and Tolerance
Compassion for Animals Is a Strength. Compassion for Humans Is a Skill
Most veterinary professionals are compassionate by nature. They are drawn to this work because they care about animals, want to ease suffering, and believe in doing the right thing. Still, while it is easy to feel empathy for animals, it can be more challenging to show the same compassion to pet owners or coworkers.
This difference isn’t a personal flaw; it often happens because jobs are demanding and stressful. Building compassion for people is about increasing your capacity, not just pushing yourself harder.
Why Compassion Comes Easier with Animals
Animals show their distress openly, without blame or judgment, and their needs are clear - so it feels natural to respond with compassion. With people, there are often extra layers of anxiety, grief, or stress. They may push you to “solve” their problems. These situations can feel more complicated, especially when you are already tired.
If it feels harder to be compassionate with people, it usually means you are overloaded, not that you’ve lost your empathy.
Tolerance Isn’t Enduring Others’ Behavior, It’s Regulating Your Behavior
Many people think tolerance just means putting up with difficult behavior. In fact, tolerance is a skill that helps your nervous system stay steady. It means you can stay present without shutting down, reacting, or emotionally pulling away.
In veterinary medicine, your tolerance is taxed by repeated exposure to:
• Emotionally charged conversations about cost, prognosis, and loss
• Time pressure and cognitive overload
• Moral stress when ideals and realities collide
• Chronic exposure to others’ anxiety and grief
When your tolerance wears thin, you may feel more irritable, less patient, or emotionally numb toward people, even if you still care about animals.
These are signs that you need support, not signs of weakness.
The Role of Professional Identity Strain
Many veterinarians believe they must be competent, calm, and compassionate at all times. When people are difficult, they might think, “I should be handling this better.” This kind of pressure can make things feel worse, not better, because it’s harder to show compassion for others if you aren’t used to practicing self-kindness.
It is important to know the difference between your values and your capacity. You can value kindness but still have times when you need help to show it.
Compassion Requires Boundaries
If you don’t set boundaries, endless compassion can leave you drained and less able to cope. Compassion works best when you have clear limits and know when to step back.
Healthy compassion includes:
• Exercising clear role boundaries with pet parents
• Sharing responsibility within teams
• Having the right to say no or pause when your capacity is exceeded
• Recognizing that emotional labor is still labor
When you respect your own boundaries, compassion is something you can keep giving, not something that wears you out.
Reframing Difficult Human Interactions
It helps to move from judging others to trying to understand them. Sometimes, people’s actions show they are in distress, not that they want to emotionally hurt you. However, this does not mean you excuse harmful behavior.
For example:
• An angry pet parent may be expressing their grief and helplessness.
• A curt coworker may be operating beyond their capacity that day.
• Repeated questions may reflect someone’s anxiety, not disrespect.
Looking at things this way helps you take things less personally, protects your emotional energy, and helps you stay tolerant.
Building Compassion as a Practice, not a Trait
Compassion for people is not something you are just born with. It’s a skill you build over time, one small step at a time.
Helpful practices include:
• Micro-regulation: Intentional, brief pauses between appointments to reset your nervous system, even taking a hallway break for 30-60 seconds.
• Cognitive flexibility: Actively challenging “should” statements that foster feelings of shame and rigidity.
• Shared language within teams: Naming emotional labor and stress openly as a team can reduce feelings of isolation and increase team support.
• Self-compassion: Acknowledging that your frustration does not negate how much you care.
These habits help you build your capacity, rather than forcing empathy when you don’t have any in your reserves.
Compassion Doesn’t Mean You Must Absorb Everything
Compassion doesn’t mean you have to take on other people’s emotions; it’s about simply being present for them without losing yourself in their feelings. You can care deeply without carrying their emotional weight, which is a highly important skill in this work.
Learning this skill helps protect your well-being and positions you stay mentally healthy in your career longer.
A Strength Worth Developing
Veterinary professionals already care a lot. The real challenge is also caring for emotional or challenging people without losing yourself. Being tolerant and compassionate toward people is an advanced skill that helps you communicate more effectively, build stronger teams, and have a lasting career.
Like any skill, these will grow with understanding, practice, and support.
Reflective Prompts for Practice
1. Noticing
Think about a recent interaction with a pet parent or coworker that felt especially difficult. What was happening in your body or stress level before that interaction began?
2. Clarity
When you feel frustrated or impatient, what do you tell yourself about what you “should” be able to handle? How might that moment look different if you viewed it as an emotional capacity issue rather than a values issue?
3. Boundaries
Where in your work do you feel compassion is expected without there being clear limits? What boundary, even a small one, might help make compassion more sustainable?
4. Reframing
Recall a moment when someone’s behavior felt personal or unfair. What alternative explanation could exist that does not involve intent or disrespect?
5. Discharging stress
After emotionally charged interactions, how do you typically release what you have taken in? What signals tell you that you are carrying more than is yours to hold?
References:
Ashton-James, C. E., & McNeilage, A. G. (2022). A mixed methods investigation of stress and wellbeing factors contributing to burnout and job satisfaction in a specialist small animal hospital. Frontiers in Veterinary Science, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fvets.2022.942778
Gordon, S., Gardner, D., Weston, J., Bolwell, C., Benschop, J., & Parkinson, T. (2021). Fostering the development of professionalism in veterinary students: Challenges and implications for veterinary professionalism curricula. Education Sciences, 11(11), 720. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci11110720
Peixoto, M. M., & Cunha, O. (2024). Life satisfaction, psychological distress, compassion satisfaction and resilience: When the pleasure of helping others protects veterinary staff from emotional suffering. Veterinary Research Communications, 48(5), 3489-3498. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11259-024-10510-0
Rhodes, R. L., Noguchi, K., & Agler, L. L. (2022). Female veterinarians' experiences with human clients: The link to burnout and depression. International Journal of Workplace Health Management, 15(5), 572-589. https://doi.org/10.1108/ijwhm-01-2021-0007
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